Art By: Shreha Regmi
What does friendship mean to each one of you? Is it only the state of being friends? Can friendship be defined? These are the questions I am asking myself, and I am determined to find answers to each one of them.
When I was a small kid, I always used to think that if you talk to someone and be friends with them then you would have a bond which is known as friendship. I used to think that if two people are friends, they would have friendship. But now that I’m grown up, my perspective on the word “Friendship” has entirely changed.
The first thing everyone has to understand is that nothing in life lasts forever, not even memories. Because once you die, it is said that you are again born in this world in a different form or in a different self. So if our memories lasted forever, then why would we not go back to them? You meet different people in every step of your life. Some of them stay by your side, while others don’t. Those who are with you, or who have same hobbies like you, who eat lunch with you, who hang out with you, who laugh at the jokes you make, these are the people we call friends. But just because each one of them are our friends doesn’t mean that we have a deeper bond or a friendship with each one of them.
I’ve seen many people who call themselves friends or best friends. But there are peoples who confuse “acquaintances” with “ friends”. Let me tell you all something. Just because you two have a common interest and are in the same class doesn’t make the two of you best-friends. Just because you were close in some previous schools and have the same bus route now doesn’t make you two best-friends. Just because a guy comes in between you two and you focus only on the guy, not on your friendship doesn’t make you two best-friends. And just because you are best-friends doesn’t mean that you have friendship.
The term friendship is so pure that one cannot define it. Friendship doesn’t only mean the state of being friends. No!! A friendship is like a marriage. You have to have trust between two people. If you don’t have that trust, then you can only be acquaintances, but you cannot have friendship. Friends have an expiry date, but friendship doesn’t. To have friendship, one has to earn it. To have friendship is like being in a relationship. But a different kind of relation. A kind of relation where you share each and everything with each other, a kind of relation where you do not back-stab your partner, a kind of relation where you are allowed to be in other relation, a kind of relation where you two are always there for each other, as each other's mirror and pillow.
When friends have friendship between them, no one on this entire planet can break that. There is no negativity and possessiveness. There is only love and care and respect. I’ve seen people saying that their friendship is broken. Be it by couple of guys who came in between, be it by the fact that they are not in the same class or country, and be it by a guy/girl whom one loves so much that he/she is ready to give up everything. What I’ve learned is that these people never had friendship in the first place. And now I pity them for always blaming others and not trying to sort everything out themselves.
Sometimes, you think someone as your friend and you help them because your feeling of friendship might be pure. But that someone might not consider you as their friend and might dump you. They might not tell everything to you just because they think that telling everything is not good, there are things one should keep to themselves. I think that if people think that there are things one has to keep to themselves, then it is better not to bring it out in the first place. For you might be helping with a pure heart but all they will ever do is hurt you. However, I would like to tell you that just because you got hurt doesn’t mean that you should hurt them as well. You have to act matured for there will come a time when they’ll realize what huge mistake they have done and you will be there by their side with your body but not with your heart.
In my case, I do have a lot of friends, but I have friendship with only few of them. When someone hurts you and I come in middle to punch that someone, I do it because of friendship. When I sacrifice something for you, not always but sometimes, I do it because of friendship. When I come to cheer you up because you’re feeling bad, that is because of friendship. When I go against others just because they’ve hurt you even if they have not done anything to me, I do it because of friendship. But when you don’t understand this and ignore me, when you think that I always have to keep you my only priority, when you think that I’ve never been by your side to defend you, when you think that I did this just to gain sympathy, and when you don’t understand me, it hurts real bad.
If you want to know whether you have friendship or not, just close your eyes and see if you ever gave up something for your friend or if you ever stood up for your friend. Also see that whether doing these ever made you happy or not and if you expect the same in return or not. If you did it just for the sake of doing, you never had friendship. However, if you only expect love and nothing else in return you have the feeling of friendship. When you find friends like those, never let them go. For once you let them go, they’ll never come back.
Shreha Regmi is a 4th semester student studying at DWIT.