Confusion, Mistake, Remorse and a Lesson
It is believed that somewhere in this world, people kill trees by cursing them if they are too huge to be cut. Try it yourself, go near to a plant and throw your anger or frustration towards it every day. It is said that after some days, you will observe that beautiful and colorful plant getting weak and its color fading away. I don’t know whether it is just a myth or reality. You may have heard a similar dialogue in one movie, “Tare Zameen Par”. I think my readers got the point. :)
Same thing happens with us. Sometimes we commit mistakes. People will surely judge us wrongly. Why will they not? The fault is in our deeds. What happens after that is just horrible and it is better not to involve our emotions in it. Your people, your so- called friends will laugh at you. No doubt, after all they have got a new reason to laugh at. Every time we cannot be at the level to understand what is right and what is wrong. We just do it and after that, we tend to regret, regret a lot but time waits for none. We have to be punished; it is necessary although punishment doesn’t sound cool. If we have made mistakes, we should be strong enough to accept whatever we are going to face further.
You know what hurts the most? It is not the mistake that we make in that one minute, but the situation where we choose to be wrong. I ask myself, “Have I ever worried to be a failure or a loser?” People may take me wrong for the mistake that I had made, but I wasn’t a culprit, I became a victim. Common guys, I lose ‘myself’ whenever I do something wrong. Then, what’s the point of showing finger at the one who is already broken? My self-respect asked myself, “Is that you?” What can be a greater tragedy than this? Why should I really care about “They may dislike me. They may hate me. They may laugh at me…” Those don’t really matter because I had hated myself enough for those to matter even a little.
Now, what can be changed? May be people will take me wrong every time. It’s ok; it’s their thinking and their choice. I can’t beg them to not hate me. I can’t really make them believe that I won’t repeat it again. I give up, yes I quit!!! That time is the worst time in your life when your loved ones whom you trust so much tells you ‘Leave it, you can’t bring any change.’ You unknowingly become that plant who will slowly become weak and that weakness will always make you a wrong person. It’s not you who commit crimes, but it’s your weakness that confuses you all the time and compels you to do something wrong. So, what is the point of hating yourself or your mistakes? It is just a symptom. The root cause is something else.
You should grow up and accept the fact that when you do something good, people will forget it after some time. But if you make a single mistake, it will last long in their brain. The human brain can grab negative perception and keep it for a longer time than positive. This is how the world is. So, just chill, people will take you the way they want to. You cannot bring any change. What you can just do is accept yourself. You may be careless, but trust yourself, you aren’t a bad person.
If we cannot accept ourselves in our worst situation, then what can we expect from the world? Whatever comes up, it’s ok! After all we get that what we deserve.
Sometimes we may get love and admiration and sometimes punishment. Enjoy it, because we can learn something beautiful we haven’t ever thought from the horrendous punishment. If our life isn’t full of risk, then where is the joy of living?
I know this writing may not be genuine since I am just trying to console myself through my writing. What to do? I am just a person who can never hate herself, though sometimes, love isn’t the thing I deserve.
Whatever be it, writing always makes me feel recharged and refreshed and the thing you just read has also helped to refresh myself. :)
(Barsha Dahal is a DWIT student studying in the fourth semester.)