Tue, 30 May, 2023

Confession of an Alcoholic

By Navaraj Kharel

I am not sure when the first drop of that firewater got into my body, but after that I wanted it even more. I just wanted to taste it, but unknowingly my body craved for more and more of it. I could not stop myself.  Everything used to make complete sense when I used to be intoxicated. Never knew that my idea of having fun with a bottle of booze would become a crazy journey. I was in the hold of something so powerful and almighty. Why cannot I just stop? I used to question myself. I started drinking when I was 20; till then, I  had never smoked nor had done drugs. I used to drink everyday and for a short moment of time it used to give me an easy and simple way to relax. However, I had never realized that I was walking along a long road of misery. For every small stress of my life, I made that little bottle my companion. It worked for a while. As the years passed, I got more into it. It became a key of my life. The hangover, headaches and wasted mornings became a routine of my life. I never imagined I would be an alcoholic, but finally, I did. I was never proud to be an alcoholic. I used to swear to myself every day thinking, "I am going to stop." but used to drink again the next day. I tried a lot to stop, sometimes restricting my intake or only drinking at weekends, but that did not help either. As time went by, it grew worse and worse. Five years have already passed, but I am still living “alcoholically”. I started hating the way of my life. With my degrading  social status and  relatives  abhorring me, I was for sure to pull out my dependency from alcohol.  I kept myself away from the bottle for some months. I used to keep myself busy with works, started practicing meditation and yoga. It helped me a lot. It worked and I was happy. Finally, I decided to get married and with it came a bucket of responsibility. I was working, had a lovely family and successful. Again, I started with the same old  habit, but this time I had a strong reason. I mean I was successful and why cannot I reward myself with a little bit of fun. My idea of having fun with a booze once a weekend gave me a lucid way to the journey of my life. Years passed and I was having a good time.  The bitter part of life starts when bad time comes in, and mine was started. At that point, my helper was alcohol. I became a regular then. To my every small disappointment, I found drinking helping me to ease my anxiety and pain. The nightmare of my  life then started. I started skipping my work due to morning hangovers, spent a considerably large amount of sum on drinking. I started neglecting everything and made alcohol a part of my life……. …to be continued