My name is John. I can’t describe what I feel or what is really going inside my mind. Sometimes I feel suffocated when I see myself not adapting to the environment in which I was brought up. While sometimes I feel like the happiest man in the world. I don’t understand what is going inside my mind. Sometimes I judge people and their behavior whilst sometimes I question myself, how could I even be so judgmental? I have lived two and a half decades of my life, but I am still confused about my attitude and the way I present myself to people around me. Maybe I expect a bit too much from people. Even a short conversation makes me wonder if I did say something wrong. Often I realize that I cannot impress every other person I meet, but my emotional attachments to these people compel me to overthink about my attitude.
My educational background has many ups and downs, I have had the experience of being a failure and also a topper. I had always tried hard to do my best, yet the reality always made a swing. I hated myself for not being the topper of my class, yet I thought of retrying until I had what I wanted. No matter how happy or wealthy you are, there always exists a psychological pain that kills you inside. You drown so deep inside the pain that you even forget what ethics you valued and what future plans you had. At the end, unable of bearing this weakening psychological trauma, some people seek the help of pills, whereas some end up doing suicide to free themselves from their emotional self.
I have seen seasons pass by. I also have met number people in my life, made some good friends, and also had some bitter experiences with many of them as well. The most exaggerating thing about life is that nothing lasts forever. You don’t get back your old friends with whom you shared every thick and thin moment of life. You have to move on with time whether you like it or not.
The inner sorrow that one conceals within himself/herself during these moments of passing by remains dimmed to everyone. People judge about how you brought the change inside yourself either in a good way or bad, yet you could never understand what your mystery of life actually is. You learn to heal yourself in numerous ways. What my life has taught me is that the world and its instincts could change at any time. Don’t forget who you actually are and do not rely on someone for defining yourself. Learn to give respect but never hurt anyone, because after you’re gone, people will not remember what good deeds you did, people will just remember the scars you gave them. Be bold, be strong and pick the work of your interest, not the one that pressurizes your brain. That’s how you grow and achieve milestones!