Fri, 20 Sep, 2019

Is It Really About the Picture? Or May Be Not??

By Prakriti Shree Tuladhar

Photo Courtesy : http://cache.desktopnexus.com/ This is desktop background for today. Three minutes ago, I was staring numbly at this picture that I had as a desktop background, then I spontaneously decided to write an article on it. Hmm.. Spontaneously may not be the right word. Having nothing to do and not being interested in whatever it is that I am supposed to do, I have two choices: whether continue staring at the desktop background or make an article out of it. True, the choices are pretty sad, but if this turns into an article, I’ll have done what I am supposed to do. The picture is of a sailboat; where it’s heading is unknown, where it came from is a mystery, but I know for sure that these two people I see on the sailboat are heading towards something…maybe nothing at all…and I certainly don’t want to assume anything because assumptions are bad and they form prejudices which are worse so I won’t say that they are going on a greatest journey of their lives nor will I say that they are going home after a long day of work at sea, just because I don’t want to think that or... but that thing just came to mind when I tried very hard not to think that thing that I shouldn't think and I ended up with a lot of ‘that’s so.. that’s that.. now and let’s leave it at that.. so.. that..no..so’ “Oh! not that”. I can write something inspiring or beautiful or just some plain old words in a sequence to form a sentence so that I can fill up the page which I believe is something “not that” I have done before and not long before, but while I am at my wits end and before I go into the state of feeling bad for myself, this piece “not that” I write can deviate my mind from thinking of all “not that” which now makes me think that I can no longer go back to the sailboat this piece was supposed to be about in the first place because I have come very far now and I don’t know how to go back, back to where I started, back to where things made sense and back to where my reader made the rather unfortunate choice of spending  more than few minutes of their time reading a piece which initially started out as a piece about a sailboat, a lone sailboat that looked so perfect, so beautiful and ever so inviting and tempting that I simply couldn't resist not thinking about it for more than just a little while, all the while suppressing my envy and jealousy because I could never come up with something like that..no “not that” though I know very well that the “not that” will just confuse people more and more and more and one more, more because I really don’t see why things should only be repeated thrice for impact so I will repeat it four times, because this is my piece and because I can, though whether this thing will be printed or not will depend upon four more people so no I don’t know if this is truly my piece and if I truly can write what I want..wait..do I write for myself or do I write for people who may read this article and think ‘Why did she begin this article anyway’ to which I do know the answer to, but I don’t think I can express it as I am a pretty sad kind of an explainer, if there’s a word called explainer, which I sincerely doubt there is but the thing is I am someone who accidentally came off as a girl who was against spreading awareness about women violence and that was bad and sad but it’s all in the past now where it can come to haunt me every once in a while when something worse happens to me again which I hope..no, I pray that it doesn't happen too soon because I may have the tendency of hiding away my problems and building a dam around them till the dam bursts out because it can no longer hold any more or the tendency to share my problems with every single one of my friends because sharing my problems with one person only halves my problems but in anyway, I do wish to deflect away pain even though I strongly believe in the balance of life…I believe that because I am happy someone else is sad and because I am sad, I am making someone else happy..no, I do not believe that, but I have no other way to make this piece inspiring or beautiful but the day I do find a way of writing, the day I find my way that day I’ll either close off all my feelings and act cool and natural or share my happiness with every single person I meet; I haven’t chosen what I would do yet and nor will I because I am a long way from finding a way. And finding my way is beyond me but I am a very short way…short way..bad choice of words for someone who so badly wants a conclusion of a long long piece that has gone on for way too long and doesn't seem to end at all. The End. Wow. It ended itself. :) :)