Mon, 22 Jul, 2019

Moral Dilemma

By Ashmita Kunwar

Photo Courtesy : http://emotionaldetective.typepad.com/ I never thought that life would be this challenging at some point of time, today; life is unpredictable. I was constantly aware of the fact that life is full of ups and downs, sorrows and happiness. But why? Would anyone have problem if life would compose of only and only happiness and no pain at all? Why can’t life  be full of happiness from the day we born till the last breath we take, how beautiful would it be, we can just imagine it but reality is same full of thick and thin tragedies. This moment, what I am feeling can’t be expressed in words; I can only articulate it by inaudible language of my heart. I am 25 years old now; mature enough to decide what is wrong and right for me.  I do have my dreams to pursue in my own way. My parents have been there for me guiding and controlling me for past 25 years, I always did what they wanted me to, and I never did say anything against what they said. Argh! Why don’t they understand, this is not the time for them to decide about my life, they should let me decide whether I would like to marry or not. How can they fix my marriage without asking me a single question, why? How can they do this do me? I am helplessly crying here, at least they could have asked me, do I have someone else in my life, or do I want to marry now or not. They are my parents, for past 25 years; there is no single moment that I have disobeyed them. Yes! I am their daughter and it is my responsibility to do what they want from me, but still I do have dreams.  I have crafted them beautifully and would like to live for those dreams.  I love and do have respect for my parents, my first priority in my life is always my parents, before doing anything I always remember my parents, every time when I pray first wish I ask  “make my parents proud of me and never let me do anything that would make my parents regret of having daughter like me”.  The moment when I see smile on their face because of me, oh my god!  I just would like to capture that scene and keep it in pocket so that whenever I need I could see them happy which would automatically refresh my mind at any moment of my life. What should I do now, should I unwillingly get married with someone whom my parents chose for me and leave the one who loves me more than himself, the one with whom I had dreamt to live together and promised never to leave him? God! Please help me, give me some clue, what should I do?  I know my parents are never wrong; they always want to see me happy. If so,  it  is my mistake to choose my partner on my  own, my mistake to dream without having permission of my parents, my mistake to get close to him , my mistake I had feelings for him….my mistake …?? No, this can’t be a mistake, this is my life. My brain tells me; I have to tell the truth to my parents, I do not want to marry with whom they fixed me to. But my bloody heart says, “No I can’t be selfish like that”, they are my parents who were there for me in my every little need, their love is unconditional for me, I can’t let them down saying that I love someone else. No, no, no!! Then what about him, who taught me to dream, make love, live life and more importantly who love me more than anything else in the world. What else next……?? What’s next……??