Guilt by Albin Lamichhane
You cannot judge me now. Maybe I was wrong or maybe I could do something but that all depends on how you see my story.
That was the beginning of my college days. I was young and energetic those days. I entered the college to do something different and that time I was full of confidence to do so. But let get to the point, it’s not my story it’s the story of that girl whom I fell had the same enthusiasm as I was holding. I was not too concerned about her. There was nothing new about her but she carries a certain charisma that attract everyone to her.
Now let us introduce our second important character, the boy who had everything he had and was only passing his time in the college. He was like the cool dude that you expect to see in the dramatic film where he would be followed by every girl in the college. I was laughing when I saw these types of character do exist in our real world. You can say that I feel envious to him but I do not think I have to be envious I know that love is a pure thing and I must respect girl though doing this I only end up being a brother.
Ahh I only end up telling my story, sorry for the interruption. Every time a new girl come to the college the boy used to have eye on her. He used to approach her and make her fall in love. Though girls could never know her true nature but we boys would. We just can smell it. He was trying to approach the girl. I did not know about that. I only heard about it by their conversation at the restroom where I was answering my nature’s call. He was describing about the new girl he was approaching and about his future plan with her.
I try to visualize the endless similar conversation that he used to have with his friends about girls.
And how to approach them. And then their was clash between my heart and brain. My heart told me I must aware the girl, aware her that she has a bright future ahead of her, she just has to be strong and she will have wonderful future. But my mind told me to stay out of it. You are not here to judge anyone and interfere in their life you are here to fulfill your dream. The clash went for days, every time I came across the girl I remember those words said by that boy and whenever I came across the boy I remember her innocent face.
At last my mind won, I tried less to think about them and have trust on her. Maybe I was overreacting and I should just let it go. After that I got involved in my own affairs. Life become to hectic but I used to keep lookout for that girl and see her. She was doing fine.
But one day when I was having my lunch with my friend. My friend told me something that my heart would not want to hear. Hye Alvis, do you know about the hot and happening couple of our college and you can guess the girl. I was shocked about the news. I just try to assure my heart that I have not listen it and tried to ignore the conversation. After that I just tried to forget the whole matter. I was so angry with her. I was angry that I how could be she so weak that she fell on the sweet talk of that boy.
Maybe I was wrong about her, she was not like me. She was nowhere to my level. She did not carry that enthusiasm.
After certain week, I found out about the incident about that boy, the boy had made the girls pregnant and ran away, the college had to restricted the girl as it would have damage the reputation of the college. At that time i felt the devilish happiness. I was happy she ends up like that. She deserves it, didn’t she?
Now my hectic life is over, I have enough time to recall every moment that I have lived and be happy but whenever I stay in my chair and close my eyes I just see her face, her innocent face. And the devil me that was hearing the whole conversation in the rest room but did not do anything. my heart pains when I remember how selfish I was. Maybe I could have written her story in a different way if only I had out my mind aside and followed my heart. If only I had told her everything and gave support to her then her story would have different ending. Maybe she would have the wonderful life if only I had thought her as my own friend.
Now you can judge me. Judge me as the ruthless person in the world, judge me like a trash that told you, I respected that girl.
I feel guilty, when I look the way back then, a young selfish boy who could not have courage to tell her. If I could revert my time I just want to get out of that restroom go straight to her and tell her everything about that guy, that she just has to keep faith in herself and she can win the world.
But I can’t, what’s now left is me sitting in this chair and remembering her face and felling guilty. Hoping that maybe hell is not that bad place people show in the movies and talk about.